back to the baju

no, i’m not on a trip through america’s south. i will be visiting the bavarians or bajuvaren like they call themselves. this time i’m happy to avoid a hostel in munich, since the last experience totally robbed my last remains of traveller romanticism. but don’t think i got totally pimped…no, it’s some standard hotel in the inner outskirts, where you see nothing of the famous bavarian chique. and i’m really thankful for that.

you see, i’m part of the struggling middle-class people the state always likes to describe as the backbone of the economy, lying to everybody including themselves. middle-class is a fastly diminishing concept. and i think not many people thought it would diminish that fast. when my parents started their middle-class fantasy back in the early 80ies, things seemed to be alright. they did everything they were supposed to do: dad got a job with good career perspectives, mum staid home taking care of the kids, they bought a house in some village “where you got everything you need and the children can grow up in secure surroundings”. that was supposed to be good and healthy, but i think it just helped to maintain the middle-class bubble, that always got dangerously pricked by the surrounding reality. but as long we have several life insurances, a car and 2-3 holidays a year, everything is fine. or is it? the nineties came along with the wish to maybe step a little further up. connect with the lower upper class, start an own business, get a second car and a house in the alps. living the short-term dream, before reality started to strike back. the great business partners turned out to be great assholes, and so the stress of being a freelance consultant began. as well as a 20 year downfall. while still clinging to the “better life”-dream and trying to support the illusion of it through debts and mortgages almost everything got lost. house, insurances, little luxuries and health. with the result of almost being worst off than one was in the beginning.

i don’t know why, but i never really believed in that dream. maybe that’s why i’m much less surprised than some of my peers, that don’t understand, why they can’t continue their parents dream. at least not, when their elders haven’t accumulated or inherited some wealth and used it wisely. so that’s where i stand now. i’m 36, i work as a freelancer and i won’t inherit anything. all i have is my pretty good education, my creativity and my life. and i won’t complain. i like it that way. surely i could have been more career-oriented with my talents and all that, but why? i tried that for some years: 80-hour weeks, chique hotels, crazy parties and a lot of “friends” who, like me, tried desperately not to show how fucked up they really were. if at least the result had been a lot of money, everything would be alright, but money was mostly scarce. i got married in 2007 and me and my wife both had a reasonable income, but never enough to make big steps. which wasn’t our goal anyway. in 2008 i started as a freelancer, because noone i know seemed to think there would be a crisis. but there was, so business was less than slow. luckily it grew steadily afterwards so i was able to pursue my dream: work 10-12 days a month and spent the rest of precious time on life itself. art, writing, existing and not letting society fuck me up too much. maybe get a child, don’t buy a house, maybe get a car. but mostly taking it easy. unfortunately wifey got a total midlife-crisis in 2013 that made her ex-wifey. additionally business stopped completely out of nowhere and life was just shit. all that left me with the ruins of my existence for some time, but it also made me happy. happy about always having been realistic. happy about not having pursued the false dreams and happy about the possibility to start from scratch. probably i will be pretty fucked when i retire, but at least until then i had lived life my way. completely. I’ll be lower class by then, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of. on the contrary, i think compared to a lot of my peers i won’t be hit that hard by the reality that middel-class is a dead concept.

and that’s why i prefer living in a normal hotel in normal surroundings when in munich. here i meet reality. probably my later reality. and can prepare for it. and when things turn out to be better, so be it. 🙂

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